Honoring My Girlfriends on International Women’s Day.
Throughout much of my life, I have heard women say they would rather be friends with men for various reasons: “Women are too dramatic,” “women are jealous of me,” “ I am a guy’s girl.”
On this International Women’s Day, I am celebrating my friendships with women.
My younger sister, Lauren, who was probably my first girlfriend. I am six years older, so when we were growing up we did not always have things in common but we definitely loved each other. She lived with me the summer she turned 21. I was so happy to have her with me and get to know her as the amazing woman she was becoming. Now we text all the time. We talk through problems. We laugh together and she is the keeper of lots of my memories. I am so lucky that we became friends.
I met my first best friend, Holly, when we moved in across the street. Her dad came over and said, “I hope you have a little girl because my daughter needs a girlfriend to play with.” From that day on, we were friends. We grew up together. Both of us are educators — she is a teacher in a special education preschool and I am a college professor. I sometimes wonder if that stemmed from the many years we spent playing school together. She taught me that it was okay to argue with your friends as long as you apologized and treated each other with kindness in the end.
My college best friend, Christina, was a shining Starr. We met in my second year in college when I was her resident assistant. Once we became friends, we were inseparable. She taught me to be confident. We learned about feminism together in our first Women’s Studies course — she quickly raised her hand when the professor asked if we were feminists. I sheepishly raised my hand following suit. She later told me why she was a feminist — and I realized I was one, too. We became roommates, we worked at the same place and spent all of our free time together. Despite spending only four years together as best friends, I still think of her often and realize that I know how to be a good friend because she was such a good friend to me.
I met one of my best girlfriends, Beth, when she was just 14 and I was 25. She was my mentee through Big Brothers Big Sisters. Our friendship has outlasted and outshined that formal relationship. In many ways, we grew up together. She is so caring and compassionate. Her friendship reminds me of what it means to care for the people we love.
In graduate school, I quickly developed a close group of friends who were all far away from home. We became a family. My closest girlfriend, Nicole, in that family lives even further away now. She encouraged my deep wanderlust. The first time I traveled abroad I was really excited but equally stressed. She helped me with practical things (buying comfortable and cute shoes) and relieved my stress (talking in funny accents and giving me a card not to be opened until I was on the plane). She taught me that sometimes the best things happen when you just jump in.
I met my best friend, Lisa, on that first trip abroad. It was one of those moments when you just know that someone is one of your people. We traveled around Italy together. We laughed. We grieved old losses, leaving them behind. We created amazing memories. We lived, and live, far apart but we have always managed to stay in each other’s lives. When I moved to New York City and she lived in Washington, D.C., we hopped on buses and explored our new cities together. We chat every day. I know that she will always have my back.
My NYC girl squad is made up of amazing and beautiful women whom I love dearly. I know who to reach out to depending on what I need. If I need someone to do a slow run with, try a new cheese place with or go see a Broadway show, I call Michele. Geordana, helped me explore Brooklyn and now helps me explore Jersey, she is also an amazing marathon cheerleader. My girlfriend, Danielle, used to take me to wild Irish bars when she first moved to the city and later took me to look at wedding dresses when I was so nervous about it. During quarantine, Deirdre would take long walks with me and talk about politics. My girlfriend, Julie, understands life in academia and is supportive and caring about everything in my life.
I am so lucky to have been friends with amazing women throughout my life. So many that I know I forgot people whom I love dearly. When you hear girls saying that they don’t have friends who are girls, remind them that girlfriends are supportive, they are fun, they care for you, they always have your back.
Happy International Women’s Day!
Tell me about your best friends in the comments.
